When Everyone’s Getting Pregnant In Their 40s Except You
Throughout the years, you’ve held onto your faith. But lately, you’ve started to think your waiting for a baby is in vain. What’s even worst is that regardless of where you go, another 40-something woman is pregnant! When will it be your turn?
I believe it’s more difficult to deal with the “everyone getting pregnant except you” perception when you’re 42 rather than 22. After all, we’re inundated with information that our biological clock is not only tickling, it’s sounding the alarm.
Here are excerpts from a few leading online pregnancy resources that offer coping advice on dealing with your emotions. This advice is beneficial regardless of your age.
Don’t hold it in
While it’s not necessarily a good idea to unleash all that pent up anger and frustration at a pregnant family member of friend, it’s also not a good idea to keep it all inside either. Find an acceptable way to unleash your anger and sadness. Write in a journal, go for a run, even have a good cry every now and then.
Be honest with your feelings
Jen Brandon of Orange County, California, has struggled for nearly four years to have a second child. She’s suffered multiple early miscarriages, taken three rounds of Clomid, undergone five cycles of artificial insemination, and weathered two surgeries. All she has to show for it is a huge hole in her bank account. “I try not to be bitter,” she says, “but sometimes when I see a pregnant woman, I think, ‘I hate pregnant women!’” Dr. Madeline Licker Feingold, PhD, a reproductive medicine psychologist and fertility counselor based in Berkeley, California, says, “It’s a normal, natural, negative thought. It’s the pain and grief speaking.”
Throw yourself a pity party…but don’t overdo it
Yes, you can feel sorry for yourself. “I do believe in throwing pity parties,” says Shoshana Bennett, PhD, a clinical psychologist. You don’t even have to stop at one pity party. But here’s the trick: You want to end on a positive note each time, or else it could lead to more depression. So pick a time and place and let it all out -- cry, yell, write in a journal -- however it is that you can get your feelings out. But give yourself a time limit: Party’s over in 15 minutes, that kind of thing.
Skip the shower
If you don’t feel comfortable attending all of the baby showers, gender reveal parties, bringing home baby parties, etc, don’t go. Simple as that. If the person who invited you is a truly good friend, they will understand. And, if they’re not, who cares? Send a gift if you feel like it, but don’t subject yourself to pain and being uncomfortable if you are not ready to deal with it. You don’t have to feel guilty about this one, you get a free pass!
Join a community
“It’s important to keep in mind that you’re in very good company,” says Shoshana Bennett, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “Connecting with a group of women in the same situation can be very useful, as long as it’s a group that’s positive. Make sure everyone is supporting each other and not just complaining and bringing each other down.” Not only can the other women help boost your confidence, they can be sounding boards when you’re stressed. They can also help you with fertility info that you may not have known. You can really identify with the other ladies and find a great support system.
What do you think of these suggestions? Share your thoughts with me in the comments below or on https://www.facebook.com/pages/InSeason-Mom/127950410596026
Posted by InSeason Mom Cynthia
Labels: a child after 40, first time mom over 35 and 40; having a baby after 35 and 40; pregnancy after 35 and 40, TTC after 35