All Moms Deal With Misconceptions!

“I can’t wait to turn 30 so that people will think I’m old enough to have all these children,” said my soon to be 30 year-old-friend Bionca. “All these children” means the three she has. Her response was in reference to what I had said about first time over- 40 moms mistaken as the grandmothers of their children. Because of her youthful appearance, she is no doubt stereotyped as a young unwed mother. In reality, Bionca is a beautiful educated married woman who is an officer in the United States Army.

Another mom who is in her late 20s or early 30s shared stories of how people always assume her bi-racial children belong to someone else. “If I’m with a friend, the children are never mine. Always my friend’s. People don’t even look at the features, just the skin color.” Again, her response was in reference to what I had said about first time over- 40 moms mistaken as the grandmothers of their children.

The truth is all moms deal with one misconception or another. I won’t dare discuss the mommy wars…stay at home moms versus the professional moms. I will say when people misjudge me unfavorably-is that your grandchild-my pride weakens. When people misjudge me favorably-you must exercise a lot to stay in such great shape-my ego expands like a balloon.

When we are misjudged unfavorably, it is a normal desire to wish we could fit in with the crowd. But it is dangerous to want to fit in with the crowd at all cost. We give up too much of ourselves. Within the last several months, I met a woman in her 40s who wanted to have a baby but was afraid of others mistaken her as the child’s grandmother. “I have too much pride for that,” she boasted.

I can’t help from wondering what price she is paying to avoid being stereotyped  as a grandmother. On her dying bed, I wonder if she will regret not giving birth or adopting a baby because she needed approval from a society that changes as frequently as a newborn wets her diaper.
****Blessings, InSeason Mom Cynthia

8 comments:

  1. Wonderfully written. A lot needs to be said about this issue. We have some newly married family friends that don't want to have/adopt babies because they think they are too old for that. Here in Germany (where there are too few coloured people), the way women with bi-racial kids are addressed is even a bigger issue.

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  2. Nekky, I really appreciate your comments. It's sad that many do not realize what a wonderful gift children are.

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  3. That is a great post Cynthia. Once when I was little and on a train trip with my grandmother - she asked that I call her mom so that no one would think that she is old enough to be a grandma. It is kind of funny that we worry so much about that ... you look too young for this ... or too old for that.

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  4. Danielle, thanks for sharing that humorous story about your grandmother. I guess your grandmother's concern still lives on...in all of us :)

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  5. Great post! Being a younger mom, I've often felt the judgment, but I've never thought about how other moms can be judged.

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  6. Alexandra, thanks for your comments. I didn't think about younger moms being judged until I talked with my younger friends, which shows all of us can learn from the other.

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  7. Once a little girl (11 yrs) asked if my son was my grandson! lol I thought it was funny. Given the fact that most of the ppl she knew were teen mothers could explain her error in judgment. I don't worry about others judging my personal life. They don't pay my bills!

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  8. You provided a good example for the little girl. Now she knows that not every female has to be a "teen" mom. Thanks for your comments!

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