First Time Mom and Want-to-Be Mom Over 40: Handling Negative Comments

Best friend Lisa told me that 40-something Janet Jackson, who will forever be referred to as Michael Jackson’s little sister, has publically said she wants to have a baby, experience motherhood. Without doing any research on this matter, I could predict the array of comments, similar to the roaring media debate during Kelly Preston’s (John Travolta’s wife) pregnancy.

The truth is any woman, whether she is a celebrity or not a celebrity, in her 20s or in her 40s, who publically expresses a desire to have a baby will encounter negative comments. If you are in the age group considered “the right age” to give birth, you’ll probably be told that you need to wait to have children so that your career goals won’t be interrupted. If you are in the age group considered “too old” to give birth, you’ll probably be told that you waited too long to have a baby and that you won’t be able to enjoy your retirement—what ever that is!

How do you handle so much negativity if you are pregnant- a time when you are most vulnerable? The first thing to remember is that your body is undergoing hormones changes during pregnancy that is not only physical, but is emotional as well. Comments that you may not have given a second thought will send you into tears. The best way to handle many of your battles is to walk away from whomever or whatever is bringing you down. When you are stronger and if you want to tackle the offender’s comments, go for it girl! However, keep in mind that not all battles or comments deserve your time or energy. You want to remain mentally and physically healthy for your baby.

"Not all battles or comments deserve your time or energy” is the same advice I would give to want-to-be moms over 35 and 40 along with one other suggestion. Choose carefully whom you tell that you want to have a baby. Just because you are excited about the idea of wanting a baby doesn’t mean your 20-something year old co-worker is going to think it is a great idea.

Having a support friend, ideally one who is a first time mom over 35, you can talk to about your ups and downs will be invaluable during this time. Online support forums are great, too. If you don’t have this luxury or would prefer one on one attention, consider enlisting the services of someone like myself, a coach/consultant who specializes in midlife motherhood issues to help you during this time.

With so many women choosing motherhood after age 35, this is a wonderful time to be a first time mom over 35 and 40!________________________________________________________________

Check out this campaign spearheaded by Angel La Liberte: MOTHER’S DAY 2011: A CHILD AFTER 40 It’s a mother of an evolution—launching Mother’s Day, 8th May, 2011 at


  1. Thanks for sharing.


  2. I had my first at 38 and my second at 42 :-) I just learned that my great grandmother had her last at 51 (of 7). I wonder if people gave them a hard time in those days.

    New to following you from MBC!

  3. Ella and Danielle, thanks for making me feel welcome to the Mom Bloggers Club. Danielle, that is an interesting about your great grandmother. I'll bet in those days it was considered odd not to have a child in your 40s or even 50s!

  4. Hi! This is a great article. I'm 37 (had my first at 34) and would love one or two more kids so this will definitely happen AFTER 35. It's amazing the commentaries from friends and family about having kids after 35. Thanks for sharing. Following you from MBC. Please stop by my site when you get a chance.

  5. Hi Cynthia,

    This is a great site and very encouraging. I'm 33 and felt I had to rush to have a baby. My first one born just this December. Need to wait a few more years to have another though, because whew! It's exhausting!

    Love your site! Thanks so much for sharing!

    Just to let you know, you can feature any of your articles on our front page to get more exposure for your site as well. We are doing this temporarily for free. So please take advantage of it!

    Thanks so much,

    Lexie Lane

  6. I really appreciate your comments Alfie and Lexie. It's interesting how we are made to feel about motherhood-the most IMPORTANT job in the world!

  7. I like the spirit. I'm going to introduce this blog to my big sister. She needs to read your posts herself. Thanks. I'm following you. I won't mind a return.

  8. Nekky, thanks for passing this on to your big sister. I like the spirit of your blog, too.